Do you speak the same language?

Do you speak the same language?

If you've never been there, you've at least heard a friend express dismay and frustration at their loved one in some iteration of this sentence:

"I'm always the one who {insert act of selfless love here} ... why can't he do the same thing for me?"

Each person does certain things to show that they care when they're in love, whether it's showering someone with gifts, cooking an elaborate dinner or giving a naughty slap on the butt when no one's looking. It comes naturally and effortlessly—which makes it all the more frustrating when the object of one's affection doesn't reciprocate in the same way. 

When expressions of love get lost in translation, it can make you just wanna scream,
"Do I have to spell it out for you?!"

In this season when we all go out of our way to show our loved ones how we feel, I thought it would be prudent to reflect on the concept of 5 Love Languages. Through years of counseling couples in rocky marriages, Dr. Gary Chapman came to realize that each person has different ways of expressing love—and that most of the time they will pick a mate who expresses love in a different way than they do.

According to Dr. Chapman, people express love in 5 universal love languages:

1. Quality time
2. Physical touch
3. Acts of service
4. Words of affirmation

5. Receiving gifts

If you rank these five according to what makes you feel the most loved and line that up against your partner's rankings, chances are there will be differences. But the way you show love will probably always be according to your list; meanwhile, the way your partner expects to be shown love will be according to his or her list.

And therein lies the problem.

Picture a husband who comes home and gives his wife a big hug to express his love—only to get swatted away because she's annoyed that he didn't take out the trash as promised and therefore sees that act of service left undone as love withheld.

Imagine the girlfriend who's showered with gifts by an incredibly busy boyfriend, and still feels unloved because to her love is shown by devoting time while to him it's expressed by doing everything he can to keep her feeling like a spoiled princess.

You think you are unloved when the other person is actually trying to express love—just in a way that's natural to him, but just maybe not for you.

It's important to find out each others' love languages so that messages don't get lost in translation and petty hurts don't fester and grow into full-blown heartbreak. In this season of love, we'd all do well to start learning the languages our loved ones speak.

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Happiness is ... a happy belly

Happiness is ... a happy belly

At a holiday party last weekend, some friends and I talked about how interesting it is to see what people skimp and splurge on.

"For some reason, I can't get myself to take a cab to the airport," I said. It's odd but the thought of dropping $60 on a cab ride is more stressful to me than the tedious process of pulling my little carry-on wheelie through subway turnstiles and tempting fate on the A train all the way to JFK Airport.

"Are you kidding me? I'd skip dinner just so I can sit in that cab and chill out all the way home," replied one of the girls.

As soon as she said that, I felt wholly enlightened about my taxi aversion. It's precisely because I could get a really great dinner for the price of a cab ride that I won't part with $60 just like that. And I guess I've always been that way. Some people eat to live; I live to eat. I grew up in a family and culture where love is expressed through the making and sharing of good food. So it's always stayed with me and to this day, I make it a point to break bread on a constant basis with the people who are important to me.  

For me, happiness is a happy belly. So my moments of foodie bliss will find their way into this blog more frequently from now on. A quick snapshot of some of the heartwarming deliciousness coming your way:

If delicious food is your definition of bliss, too, then I hope you'll enjoy the posts to come!

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On Pattie's food blog, A Slice of Pattie, she has a recipe for aligue pasta which I followed without much difficulty. Other aligue pasta recipes jazz up the sauce with seafood and cream but I like the simplicity of this recipe. That rich, briny taste of aligue can stand on its own and and dresses up some al dente spaghetti nicely after being sauteed in olive oil and garlic. A squeeze of lemon juice adds some acidity and cuts through the richness. If you like some heat like I do, red pepper flakes and crushed black pepper go with aligue really nicely, too.

The recipe also calls for fresh basil as a garnish, but I piled it on with a generous hand. Aside from the fact that fresh basil is plain old delicious, it gave the dish some texture and kept the aligue flavor from being too overwhelming.

It was so easy to make, and if you're as lazy as I am, you can get away with just using one pan to cook the whole dish in. I finished cooking in under half an hour and was immediately back on the couch, plunging my fork repeatedly into this sumptuous dish. I'm not gonna lie, I definitely felt my body slow down (I was nodding off before 10pm), and my cholesterol levels definitely climbed a bit.

But I suppose there are worse vices in life than delicious food that makes you want nothing other than to curl up and take a nap, right?

I say forget the guilt for a second and let's raise our forks to moments of gustatory bliss ...

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Happiness is ... giving in to guilty pleasures

Happiness is ... giving in to guilty pleasures

It's a freezing cold night in New York—and the first in quite awhile where I had nowhere to be and nothing to do. That in itself is a big enough treat in this city where we seem to be moving from one place to the next incessantly. But as soon as I got home, I thought I'd up the ante. I slipped into some comfy jammies and wandered into the kitchen to make a wickedly delicious yet unbelievably easy-to-make dish that I've been obsessing about for awhile: Aligue Pasta. 

Aligue is what Filipinos call crab roe—that rich, unctuous treasure that is as sumptuous as it is treacherous on the arteries. I spotted some crabs in Chinatown a few weeks ago just overflowing with the good stuff. It was all I could do not to pick them up and lick them right there.

Lovers of artery-clogging food and generally enterprising folks that Filipinos are, some bright minds back in the Motherland thought of bottling up these treasures, making aligue readily available in grocery stores—you know, so you don't have to put too much effort into tempting a heart attack.

Outside the Philippines, bottled aligue is available in some stores that sell Filipino products. I scored a bottle of Navarro's Crab Paste at Fou Lee Market while on vacation in Seattle. My dear friend Pattie, who is a food enthusiast, a graduate of the French Culinary Institute in New York and the woman behind the beautiful Cintai Corito's Garden in Batangas, recommends this brand's Premium Quality version, but I had to make do with the regular variety and it was still pretty good.

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Happiness is ... a pile of cookies baked with love

Happiness is ... a pile of cookies baked with love

I spend most of the year on the opposite coast from my family. So when I come and visit Washington, it's such a treat to spend quality time with my baby sister, Katie.

We spent a cold winter day holed up inside in our jammies, the scent of cookies wafting through the house and songs from the Glee Christmas album filling the air. I loved baking when I was Katie's age but I haven't made a single cookie in the last decade. Meanwhile, she has been baking up a storm. So in all honesty, the only thing I can claim credit for as far as these cookies are concerned is that I didn't ruin my baby girl's masterpiece!

Is it just me or do lovingly baked cookies just taste so much more delicious?

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Amsterdam on my mind ...

Amsterdam on my mind ...

Last summer, I spent a few days in Amsterdam and was absolutely smitten. Against the backdrop of cerulean skies, the canals lined with colorful boat houses and elegant merchant homes dating as far back as the seventeenth century were just charming beyond belief.

Summer on the canals is quite fun to observe. You can catch folks hopping off boats and into canal-side cafes for an espresso. You might even see a canal packed til bursting with boats for a summer concert.

I sampled the ubiquitous bitterballen, which is basically a deep-fried, battered meatball, eaten with a dash of mustard—is there anything about that not to love? Next time, I'll have to try it with a glass of Heineken. But strangely enough, what Amsterdam has got me jonesing for is Indonesian food, which is widely available here—while for some reason being off-the-radar in both New York and my native Manila!

My darling Dutch guide also took me to the quaint village of Lage Vuursche, just about a 40-minute drive from Amsterdam. It's off the beaten path of international tourists and is just quintessentially Dutch. Nestled within a verdant forest, this hamlet is the location of Princess Beatrix's residence, Drakesteijn, as well as a number of picturesque little Dutch pancake houses. It was here that I got my first taste of Dutch pancakes: just a wee bit thicker than a crepe; loaded with apples, bacon or whatever your heart desires; and simply a big and decadent treat.

On my next visit to the Netherlands, the weather will be colder and more gray, but I don't mind. Winter may have its own charms ... stroopwafel, coffee and cuddles by the Amstel await!

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I can live with this.

I can live with this.

"How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants,
rather than to create it herself." 

- Anais Nin

Personally, I find nothing wrong with a man and woman building a world together; if you have that, you are very lucky and I am sincerely happy for you. But for someone like me who isn't quite at that stage, there's no reason to sit around waiting for a man to give me the life that I want. With some supportive friends, a few trusty tools, and a lot of cold beer, a girl can build her own little piece of heaven—and enjoy it, too!

The day after I got the keys to my kingdom, I undertook a project that still has the unusual ability to make me simultaneously shudder and glow with pride to think of: painting the apartment.

While I thankfully had help for the more tedious parts like taping up the molding and laying out drop cloths, every inch of those walls was covered in two coats of Benjamin Moore Classic Gray with pure Celine muscle power. The exhaustion penetrated deep into my bones, but the feeling of accomplishment I got after I pulled off the blue tape and saw my home transformed made all the effort totally worth it. Nothing says "new beginnings" like a fresh coat of paint.

After the paint job, it was time to build. For what felt like an eternity, my days looked like this:

Turning boxes of planks and screws into furniture was difficult but incredibly gratifying. You know how some parents love to show pictures of their kids, whether you ask to see them or not? Well, I've been like that with the furniture I built. After hours of battling with screws, puzzling over assembly instructions, and lugging around furniture that weighs almost as much as I do, you'd better believe I'd like to show off my handiwork. So without further ado, here are my "children" ...

My hands and forearms hated me for what I put them through making that fabric-covered pinboard and putting together those Ikea Helmer drawer units, but the lovely splash of color and extra storage made the pain worthwhile.

I'm especially proud of my Ikea Norden table, which required some heavy lifting and loud hammering to build, but was totally worth the hard work. My baby does such cool tricks!

It's not easy building a world on my own. But it is supremely satisfying to look around, see that everything is just the way I want it to be, and think, "Yes, I can definitely live with this."

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New York Wine Trails

New York Wine Trails

It's hard to believe that summer just officially started. It's been a wonderful few months of soaking up the warm weather (well, except for those rainy days when we were just literally getting soaked). It's so nice to know that there's more of it to come.

One of the loveliest ways of spending a summer day, I've found, is to get out of the city for some wine-tasting. Years ago, I didn't even know that there were vineyards to visit and good wine to be had in these parts. Since my friend Zoe introduced me to the wonders of New York State wine, we've had many lovely day trips seeking out sun-drenched spaces where we can sip while gazing out at lush East Coast vines.

The latest revelation: the Shawangunk Hudson Valley Wine Trail. In less than two hours, we went from Penn Station to a sunny patio overlooking lush vineyards and the majestic Whitecliff bluff. This was Whitecliff Vineyard, where the white wines are crisp and delicate. I don't normally like white wine because I'm not keen on acidic tastes but at Whitecliff Vineyard, I tasted quite a few to my liking and even took home the Mountain Laurel White, a lightly fruity vidal blanc. The young man who attended to us told us that the Bounty of the Hudson will take place here from July 27 to 28, bringing "Gunks" sips, artisanal bites and live music from the area to Whitecliff Vineyards' grounds for a lovely little fete. It sounds so tempting ... we just might make the trip back! 

Our next stop was at Brimstone Hill Vineyard, one of the older wineries in the Hudson at 29 years old. It was an extremely laid-back operation seemingly out of their home/office, but when I got a sip of their Cab Franc, I was impressed. As I handed over my card to pay for a bottle, I thought perhaps when you've got good wine, there's no need to try too hard. 

Our final stop for the day was at Robibero Family Vineyards. It's a relatively new winery, but their grounds are gorgeous and their Traminette luscious. After our tasting, we sat at a picnic table outside to snack on cheese and potato chip chocolate (no, that's not a typo and yes, it was fabulous).

I took home a bottle from each winery that we visited and I'm really happy I did. These Hudson Valley wineries are so small that most of the time, their wines are only available at their tasting rooms and through their websites, so it's quite special to have a bottle or two in my wine rack.

Our more regular haunt, as far as wine trails go, is the North Fork. Earlier in the season, we drove approximately two hours East to celebrate Zoe's birthday with some good old Long Island wine. We've been visiting North Fork wineries quite regularly and through the years have settled on some favorites.Duck Walk Vineyards is a mainstay on our list as I find myself always wanting a few of their dessert wines. I'm a fan of the unusual boysenberry port, which is lovely when poured over vanilla ice cream—one of my favorite hot weather treats! We also visited some new spots. Jason's Vineyard is recommended if you're winetasting with kiddies in tow, as they have some entertaining and highly vocal sheep on the property. It's fun to see them, no matter how old you are. The Winemakers Studio by the Anthony Nappa Wines was also a nice place to visit, as we got to try a number of private label wines from local winemakers that we might not necessarily have access to otherwise because they don't have their own tasting rooms.

Our stop at Mattebella Vineyards was quite enjoyable, too. They have a lovely patio overlooking the vineyard, and they serve you complimentary little bites of brownies and fig-heaped crostini to go with your tasting. Little snacks are always helpful when you've been swigging wine all day.

Of course, we always save our appetites for Love Lane Kitchen in Mattituck. They have a great brunch menu with everything from burgers to lemon ricotta pancakes. Love Lane Market next door is so hip it puts Brooklyn to shame. Rotisserie Duck?? My local Peas n Pickles needs to up its game big time.

I expect that there'll be a few more visits to some vineyards before summer ends. Here's hoping your summer is just as sun- and wine-soaked! Cheers!

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What's scarier than heartbreak?

What's scarier than heartbreak?

One night, as a girlfriend and I were discussing the trials and tribulations of our single lives over dinner, we had something of an epiphany. The telling of the latest confounding dating episode had just been punctuated with a wrenching, "Why even bother?!" In that moment of singleton anguish, I had a flashback on my past life as a serial monogamist and suddenly clearly remembered how that wasn't entirely bereft of despair either.

"You know what? The possibility of getting my heart broken isn't actually the scariest thing I've ever felt," I told my friend. "The scariest thing was being in a relationship that had absolutely nothing wrong with it and yet, not being able to be happy."

She let this sink in before looking at me with surprised understanding, "That is so true!"

I've known heartbreak and I've known apathy. Apathy, for me, is infinitely more frightening. I remember what it was like to be in one relationship after another, each one devoid of any sort of conflict and yet, being unable to find contentment and happiness. I was completely petrified of my discontent, wondering if there was something inherently wrong with me that made me unable to be happy even in the best of circumstances.

I realized later that my discontent had less to do with the relationship and more to do with my overall state of well-being. I was profoundly unhappy with my own life, from my career that seemed like a dead-end to my living situation, which I felt was controlling me and not the other way around. I moved to New York, a city notoriously difficult to live in but, in my experience, a place overflowing with opportunity and possibility. I carved out my little place in this crazy city somehow, and in this state, I was able to be blissfully happy in a relationship that came with less-than-ideal conditions. When that relationship came to its rightful conclusion (as all less-than-ideal situations should), yes, I was absolutely devastated. But I had one comforting thought to hold on to: knowing that I had a fully-functioning heart capable of both all-encompassing love and soul-crushing heartbreak. There wasn't anything wrong with me after all.

My dating life has since been sprinkled with the inevitable petty little heartbreaks that come with putting oneself out there—but that's okay. I'm fine with it as long as I know that I've still got a heart that can be broken. I have yet to find the one to pour all that inconvenient love on, but I'm comforted by the thought that I've got it in reserve.

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Breaking up with Google Reader

Breaking up with Google Reader

Whether you've been hiding under a rock and will find what I'm about to tell you a total shock, or you've been going on as if things were normal and basically indulging in denial, I'm afraid it's time to come to terms with the painful truth: On Monday, Google Reader is breaking up with all of us. It's packing up and disappearing into thin air with all those feeds we've painstakingly subscribed to through the years, as if all our delightful daily encounters meant absolutely nothing. We thought it took two tango, but on Monday when we go in for the dip, Google Reader won't be there to catch us. Yup, Google Reader is going away to never be heard from again! (well, unless it wants to emotionally manipulate you into a rendezvous in Google+ land ... but, dear readers, don't let them get away with it! Stand strong.)

I swear, I'm still talking about web feed aggregators.

Like most other heartbreaks, this too shall pass—and much faster if you find a new love, like I have. I moved on to Bloglovin' a few weeks ago and I haven't looked back.

While I actually am a techie by education and profession, the absolute truth is that I like Bloglovin' because it's pretty and it gets me. It makes my morning blog-browsing such a lovely affair, with its aesthetically pleasing typography and the option to see the blog post anchor photos in two sizes.

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Love you forever

Love you forever

Love locks—if you've ever walked down Brooklyn Bridge, you might have noticed clusters of them hanging off the structure here and there. And if you've strolled past Pont des Arts and Pont de l'Archevêché in Paris, you might've missed the actual bridges and just seen the city's entire supply of padlocks hanging above the Seine. Some people despise them, some have made their love of them plainly known ... me, I'm fascinated by them. When I see love locks, I get wrapped up in imagining what could be going on in the minds of the people who've locked them up and thrown away the key. I think they're a manifestation of how we all grapple with the fleeting nature of our lives and our overwhelming desire for some sort of permanence. That desire becomes amplified when we're in love. Love is such a wonderful and beautiful thing to feel—sometimes, frighteningly so, because we know that it will have to come to an end at some point ... whether it's because feelings have changed or, in the best case scenario we can hope for, because we've lived our lives to the fullest.

Or maybe it's just fun to lock stuff up and throw away the key. What do I know?

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Let's sail away to Annapolis

Let's sail away to Annapolis

While New York continues to pummel us with snowballs, I'm digging up untold tales from warmer, sunnier days of summer 2013. For my last trip for the season, some friends and I piled into a car and drove down to picturesque Annapolis, Maryland.

Annapolis is a charming seaport city, with its lovely 18th century buildings and sailboat-ringed marinas, plus scores of strapping young men and women in uniform milling about from the Naval Academy.

Annapolis has been called the Sailing Capital of the US and if you're not one to get seasick, I highly recommend getting your sail on. We took a 2-hour sailing tour on Woodwind II, which took us on a lovely little journey through Cheasapeake Bay, with views of the Naval Academy, some gorgeous waterfront homes, lighthouses, and even a view of a regatta. When they ask for volunteers to hoist the sails, raise your hand stat! It's quite an experience.

If you'd rather relax shoreside, there are plenty of opportunities to do so, too. Put your name down for a table at the popular Cantler's Riverside Inn and if the wait is long, do a little bit of exploration down by Mill Creek.

Don't get too comfortable down there though because the dock is actually out of reach for their handy buzzer system. You do not want to miss your turn because some delicious things await inside! We gorged ourselves on trays full of Maryland crabs, which alone were well-worth the 3-hour drive from New York.

For dessert, head back into the city center, where all-American treats like caramel apples, caramel popcorn, fudge, and ice cream are plentiful.

Before you leave, pay your respects at the World War II memorial. It is solemn and serene, and offers a beautiful view of the Severn River Bridge and the US Naval Academy.

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